Many of my clients tell me that one thing they want to get out of working with me is “more confidence.” And when we’re done working together, most of my clients report that they do, in fact, feel more confident.

But what does that really even mean?!

To me, it’s simply about creating that feeling that propels us to take different actions than we would ordinarily. It doesn’t mean we suddenly have some skill or talent that we didn’t before. Or that we’ve passed some invisible milestone where now fear is not present.

Most of the time, it’s really just about getting clear on what we really want, and creating the thoughts and feelings that support the actions we need to take to get there.

It’s important to note that, “gaining confidence” isn’t a box to be checked.

There’s no finish line to be crossed.

Once you feel confident about one thing, it doesn’t mean your work is done forever. You have to keep choosing to flex that muscle.

We keep growing and changing, so confidence is a moving target…it’s really just about choosing to take action, even when you’re scared, again and again and again.

Here are a few ways I like to think about boosting your confidence.

Get Clear on What you Want

Mostly we want confidence to get closer to something we desire. Whether it’s asking someone out on a date, pitching a proposal to a dream client, or finally launching a website, we feel like confidence is the magic pill we need to take action.

But sometimes we confuse “needing confidence” with “needing clarity.'“

If you’re feeling like you’re spinning your wheels, or are over-thinking something, it could be that you’re just not clear on what you’re truly after to begin with. So, first spend a minute asking yourself a few important questions.

  • What do I want?

  • What’s important about this to me?

  • What will doing this help me to achieve? How will I feel once I achieve this thing?


Observe Your Thoughts…and choose better ones

Once you’re clear on what you want, then take a look at your thoughts. You might be telling yourself some doom and gloom story about what will “probably happen” that is preventing you from taking action. So the next step is to observe what thoughts, beliefs, and stories you’re telling yourself right now. If you think “this client will think I’m a total fraud if I send this proposal” you’re likely going to stay stuck. But if instead, you think “I bring value to the table, they’d be crazy not to hire me” it’s bound to shift things for you.

  • What are you telling yourself right now?

  • How do you feel when you think that thought?

  • What’s a more supportive thought?

Check out this video on self coaching for more and grab the free worksheet.

thinking

Let it sink in

Choosing better thoughts is a great start…but they can be fleeting! You need to let them sink in. Put up a sticky note on your mirror with your new thought or mantra. Create a reminder on the lock screen of your phone. Rewiring our thoughts takes a little time, so repetition here helps. Notice also how your body shifts when you think those new helpful thoughts. Here are a few of my favorites:

  • My success is inevitable.

  • I create value.

  • I am in the right place, doing the right thing, at the right time.

  • They’d be crazy not to hire me.


Get Your Body On Board

Our bodies do a great job of indicating what we’re really feeling. So when we feel tense or uncomfortable, we might cross our arms, hunch our shoulders, or shove our hands into our pockets. When we’re feeling really excited or confident, we’re more likely to open up our arms, put our hands on our hips or even give a little fist pump in the air. So, if we know how we want to feel, we can trick ourselves into creating that feeling faster by getting our bodies involved.

There’s a great Ted Talk on body language and how power posing can help us feel more confident. Practice standing at your desk with your hands held victoriously in the air for 2 minutes before you send that email you’ve been afraid to send, and notice how your feelings shift.

confidence

Dance It Out

To take getting your body on board even further, dancing it out is a GREAT way to get out of your head. When we’re belting out some powerful lyrics and rocking our best air guitar, fear has a hard time taking over. If I’m really starting to freak out about something and I feel like fear is really getting the best of me, it’s time to crank the tunes and literally drown out the noise! A few of my go-to favorites (mostly for the main chorus, don’t judge):

Do It Afraid

Lastly, remember that if you’re in a place where you’re trying new things and punching above your weight, it is going to feel uncomfortable. There’s no way around it.

But the more you tap into your thoughts, choose those that shift your feelings, and get your body on board, the more likely you are to take the actions that get you closer to your goals.

Confidence will come, but it’s not something that will just appear one day. You have to pursue it.


Need some help taking action in your business or life? Let’s chat. Grab one of my FREE Brainstorm Sessions. No pitch, no pressure, just momentum.

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